Baby Shower

Today I attended a baby shower. All I know is when we finally do get to that point in our lives, I am going to have an awesome shower. No little sandwiches. No cheesy games. And NO ONE will be wrapping anything, ANYTHING around my belly! So, it got me to thinking about the future. We are quickly approaching the time when we want to start a family. I just don't think I can bear the thought of having my children exposed to the negativity in my husband's family. They are mean, cruel and vile towards me without provocation. Do I really want to expose my children to this? The world is cruel enough without it existing in your own family. When they kiss me on the cheek I always think of Judas and his kiss to Jesus. The betrayal Jesus must have felt. The anger, hurt and pain, but HE had a world to save. HE forgave. That's why I'm not him. Nothing like I want to be. I can eventually forgive and always do. But when do you move past it all? It's not like they say sorry or ask for forgiveness. It's not like I always ask the Lord to forgive me and yet he still loves me. Despite my faults, flaws, sins, and own cruelty, HE is merciful. I'm at a crossroad in my life. Ever since my mother-in-law tried to poop on my 30th birthday I've kept my distance. I didn't let her ruin my day but enjoyed it very much with my hubby. But in the aftermath, I keep my distance and actually find that we have more peace in our life. Things seem better. As a Christian woman though, I'm torn. Please pray for us.