Christmas

I really enjoyed Christmas this year. It was a lot less stressful then in years past. I tried to keep in mind the "reason for the season" and tried to keep my joy. I had a nice time with my extended family, many of whom I haven't seen in a long time. The time spent with my parents, sister, bro-in-law, and younger ones was especially nice. We spent a lot of time at my in-laws and had a really good time. We didn't even get home till about 4 in the morning! All in all, its been great. I received a camera from hubby, and about a hundred other things from others. I saw all my fave holiday movies. Some cheesy, some classic. Oh, and I ate a ton of tamales and some great food made by the in-laws. I did a lot this Christmas. And for the first time in a long time, I read the Christmas story together with hubby. We've been following the reading plan from church and I have found it spiritually rewarding. And this my dear friends has been wonderful. The best part of Christmas? Somehow or another, I led my youngest nephew to Christ and we prayed together on Christmas Eve. God gave to me and I want to give to Him. Happy Birthday Jesus and Merry Christmas to all!....only 3 minutes left!!

today

I had the chance to witness today and it was great! I had a chance to share my story about my marriage, our families, and myself. I had the chance to talk and to listen, and I took it. It went well as was warmly received. And now I get to bake and make snowflakes with my hubby and nephew. It has been a really great day. Just thought I'd throw that out there.

I'm tired.

I'm tired. So much technology everywhere. Cold. Uninviting. No one writes. No one calls. We text. We type. Impersonal. Out of touch? I'm on 3 social networking sites and yet still my relationships are kept at a distance. Even in my small group there is distance. I keep trying to close the gap and I'm greeted with indifference.........I'll leave it at that and say no more.

New topic...

Well, it looks like I'm going to need to change my topic of choice now that I'm working. (hallelujah!) So, I 'm briefly going to talk about turning 30 as it is right around the corner. (5 days from now.) I will also discuss my substitute teaching experience(s) and my struggle to lose weight and get healthy so I can start a family.....
I've been working out sporadically doing swimming aerobics and just started walking again this week to get my hubby moving. I have to drag myself to get there. I hate being there. But when it's over, I actually love myself. I feel good but its such a pain some days to get moving. I must remind myself that every small change adds up to big results. So the scale hasn't moved but I have noticed a difference in my stomach. Please don't stare because I will catch you! Oh, and I realized something on Monday while I was walking at the track......I hate my shadow!But that's okay because it just made me walk faster...to get away from it! hahaha
Well, today was my first day on the job and I did a half day at my nephew's school. Didn't get to see him but it was a great learning experience.
I'm learning. I'm changing. And hopefully I'm shrinking. So I raise my glass of blueberry juice to all of you who are trying to find themselves. And perhaps are even trying to lose their fat shadow too!! ;)

11:22 a.m.

11:22 a.m. Phone rings. In H.E.B. See a 4 digit number and immediately recognize it as a B.I.S.D. number. "Ms. Moore?" "Yes?".............................lots of noise in my head.............................blah, blah, fingerprinting.....................I'M HIRED!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you Jesus! All the praise and glory belongs to God! Prayer answered. People looked at me as if I were crazy (I am!) with my perm-a-grin and tears streaming down my face!

My cup runneth over.

John Waller - While I'm Waiting Lyrics

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord

This has been my anthem song.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

What a Month!

Guess what? I went on my interview on Monday for the substitute position...finally!!!!!!!!! It went really well and the principal who interviewed me even asked if she could keep my resumes! Fingers crossed!
Then later that night, my hubby's brother was taken to the hospital because he was pretty sick. My husband started to tear up and I told him not to worry. It probably wasn't as bad as his mother said because his mother tends to think the worst and panic. So, we prayed and called up some of our church family and my family to pray and spread the word. I don't know what we would do without the love and support of this extended family. They are all so amazing! So, he's okay now and we are happy and giving thanks to God.
Earlier this month, my husband had to go the doctor because of some personal health issues. I researched everything regarding his symptoms and beat the "specialist" to the diagnosis. (I have a bill for my husband! hahaha) So, he will be okay with medication and we were put at ease. This month has been a roller coaster. With health issues, remembering my grandparents on their birthdays (who are no longer here) and the clock ticking on my goals, I'm feeling a bit blah lately.
So, I hope to be working real soon. I've been faithfully working out and am seeing a difference. With a weekend wedding looming on the horizon I have to work out! Doesn't mean I won't eat at the Oyster Bar today with my sister and order the half order fried shrimp with fries! heeheehee So, my birthday is in exactly 18 days!!!! I am freaking out! I'm not where I thought I would be in my life at this point and I don't know why. Bad decisions? Rushed decisions? Not including God in those decisions. So, I'm trying to include him more. I'm trying to let go of the anger and resentment I feel with people undermining me, trying to manipulate me, control me and the decisions I make for myself and those I love. Trying to be an example and walk in the light. It's soooo hard. I had lunch today with people who had been and are at a job where people pray in the name of God to get what they want from him, acting like God is their genie. There I sit wearing my I heart Brownsville shirt and it's like I have cotton balls in my mouth. The guy who joined us for lunch is gay and I have no idea how to witness to him. So, I'm praying everyday that God will use me to reach out to others and share his love. Today I had an opportunity and even though I said little, I hope I didn't fail God. I fail myself enough.
The month is almost over and I still have much to do. But I live by the motto "We plan. God laughs." Because we don't consult his plans. It makes sense.
I am in his hands and I hope wherever he leads me, I will listen and follow, be willing to speak up and show his love.
“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declared the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future’” (Jeremiah 29:11). “This is good, and pleases God our Savior, who wants all men to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth” (1 Timothy 2:3-4).

9/11

Remembrance: Today we remember those who perished on 9/11/01. I was getting ready to go into work at H.E.B. on that morning when my sister was screaming at me to come to the living room to see the t.v. When the second plane hit we stared in disbelief, knowing that it was no accident. My heart broke, and tears flowed as I saw the towers crumble. With people running for their life and not knowing what was going on in our country that morning, it seemed like I had weights stuck to my legs, could not move and did not want to leave home.
I left work early because I just could not focus. Many customers, including co-workers were so apathetic, that my heart broke. Having been in New York in 1998 and having family that lives there, including having my mom being born there....well, my heart was just broken by the devastation. You see, a part of me is still in the big apple. I fell in love with the city after attending a journalism conference at Columbia in '98. I've always dreamed of going back. In the mean time, my apartment is decorated throughout with pictures and items representing New York. My husband also fell in love the with the city when he went on a business trip with his dad, 5 years to the day that I went. I have pictures of the towers and he has pictures of ground zero. A very different experience.
So, today I remember.
I will never forget the images of people so desperate that they jumped out their windows. Did they know the towers were coming down? Did they think they might have a better chance of surviving if they jumped? I have no idea. And I have no idea what I would have done if that was me.
My thoughts are with those who have lost their loved ones, who perished and who were lost the day they died. We never know when it will be our time. Will we be ready?
I HEART NEW YORK.....and BROWNSVILLE too!
I will love You, O Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; My God, my strength, in whom I will trust; My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. (Ps 18.1-2)

Near drowning

So, I thought I would deviate from the job search talk to talk about a near drowning this past weekend. My husband Sergio and I went kayaking this past weekend and spent a lot of time throughout the weekend at the island. Unfortunately, we had an accident when his kayak tipped over and he almost drowned. It was the scariest, most terrifying moment of my life. I've been there when loved ones have died and I've been in a car accident, seen my mom get hit by a van, have rushed to the hospital for various family emergencies including saying my last good-byes.....but nothing, I mean nothing compares to the image of seeing your best friend, lover, and soul mate grasping for air. I stayed calm and tried my best to calm him down. To reassure him that we were going to be okay. Two different boats came by and helped him/us out at different times and the coast guard did a fly over.
So, it was a big learning experience. First, if we ever kayak again, it will be in a pool! Second, God is good. He brought others along at just the right time. Third, God is to be number one in our lives. I've been praying that God will take center stage in my husband's life and that his heart would be softened to Him. I guess sometimes it takes being flipped over in a kayak for God to get our attention. So each day is getting a little better. We are both still sore and sunburned. We have come together and are really loving each other and not taking anything for granted.
I think we are now better equipped through this experience to love God more, serve him more, and love others more...showing the world around us God's unfailing love. It is my hope and belief that God will use us to reach out to others more because of this experience. I love my husband and can't imagine the world without him. God has us here for a reason. I'm still finding my way but I pray everyday that God will use me however he sees fit and NOT how I see fit. If you are reading this and it is still fairly current then I ask your prayers for my husband. Thank you.
"I thank my God for my every remembrance of you...." Ph. 1:3

On shaky ground trying to stand tall

So, I woke up this morning and started to pray in bed. I turned on my radio feeling a bit discouraged and trying hard to cling to hope and my faith in God. The following song came on which I seem to be catching on the radio a lot lately. It must mean something, I'm sure!

Will I believe you when you say Your hand will guide my every way Will I receive the words You say Every moment of every day Well I will walk by faith Even when I cannot see because this broken road Prepares Your will for me Help me to RID my endless fears You've been so faithful for all my years With the one breath You make me new Your grace covers all I do yeah, yeah , yeah, yeah, ya well i will walk by faith even when i cannot see because this broken road prepares your will for me Well I'm broken- but I still see Your face Well You've spoken- pouring Your words of grace Well I will walk by faith Even when I cannot see Well because this broken road Prepares Your will for me (Repeat) Well I will walk by faith Even when I cannot see Well because this broken road Prepares Your will for me Hallelujah, hallelu I will walk by faith, I will walk by faith, I will walk by faith I will walk by faith, I will walk by faith, I will walk by faith I will walk by faith, I will walk by faith, I will walk by faith I will walk by faith I will walk,I will walk Faith I will walk, I will walk by faith
Walk By Faith Lyrics
Artist(Band):Jeremy Camp

I started to cry. Tears flowed and I felt safe and unsure all at the same time. You see, God has always provided for us and we've never wanted for anything...even a few weeks ago when we lived off of pasta for a whole week! I used every combination I could think of but by the weekend the hubby was grouchy and sick of it. The Lord provided. Always does and always will. So, I asked my love to pray before he rushed out this morning and it was one of the most beautiful prayers. Last night while beginning to feel unsteady, I heard Jesse Duplantis say "Before you ever had a problem, God had an answer!" He went on to say that God didn't take Eve out of Adam's foot, but out of his side so that man and woman, husband and wife could stand side by side, together. My husband is standing side by side with me. And I know others are praying for me and God's will and His alone for my life.
I'm expecting miracles. God is going to use me for his purpose and not my own. That's a hard one but I know his plans and purpose for my life are greater than anything I could think of on my own. And I've got a wild imagination! So, thank you God. Thank you Lord for blessings I can not see. For miracles on their way. For using me for your purpose and not my own.

"Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." Ecclesiastes 4:12

Joy

Oh, joy! So, I stood up at church this weekend and made a declaration of my faith. The pastor who spoke at one point looked right at me and said, "Let go of my way and follow God's way." He wanted to know if I was capable of that?! Yes. And it's about time. So, I've been expecting great things for my life this week. Expecting God to use me in a big way for Him. And as you know, I've also been agonizing over finding a job. Well, yesterday I received a phone call asking me to go interview at a local middle school. I am 100% confident that job is mine. They will make a decision by Friday or early next week after interviewing three more people. They need not bother! Hahaha. So, I'm feeling good. It is not always easy to stay positive and keep the faith but I am trying. I really want to begin working as my poor husband has been working so much overtime to help us out. He even sold his gun so that I could have a/c in my car. How giving and generous he has become. He is so much more the man I wanted today than the day we were married.
So, along with getting out into the work world I am also getting to working out again. I have a lot to be inspired by. My big 3 0H no is coming up!...my friend Patty who juggles the world and still manages to take really good care of herself...and the fact that I don't want to be schleppy anymore. So, I've been hitting the elliptical, walking, and will soon start water aerobics. I'm not crazy about the last one but it's being offered to me at no cost so what's my excuse now?
Well, tonight I will be attending a birthday party for my hubby's 76 yr. old aunt and I am not looking forward to going. What to wear? How to wear it? Fake smiles and too many intrusive questions and drinking to no end. Not exactly my scene. I will make the best of it and then complain to anyone who will listen!
"....do you want evidence that faith without works is dead?"
James 2:20

water for the thirsty

Well, today I feel like I'm living in a technicolor rainbow. I'm grasping for air and yet my oxygen mask is on. No news to report on the job front. I had to sell my drum. My snare drum my daddy bought for me in elementary. It was hard to do and I felt tears welling up in my eyes more than once. The manager was a bit abrasive but the sales guy was helpful. So its been a day of good and bad, right and wrong, laughter and tears. No job. No calls. But the day is not over.
I went outside to water my herbs and noticed they seemed perky. I say this because I haven't watered them in days and they were drooping over in thirst yesterday when I peaked out at them. I wanted to water them but was too busy with other things. But God stepped in and watered them when I could not. Again it rained when the forecast said it was not to be. We can not see what God is doing behind the scenes but we have to trust that He is always there. Ready to supply us with water when we thirst, food when we're hungry, and hope when it seems we're in a drought. My herbs bloom and I will too.

Mixed bag of nuts....

Today was one of those days. You get out of bed hopeful and full of life and then splat! It all goes haywire. No news from the job front. Faxed in a request to update my application with the local district. There's a job that seems promising. Did I mention that?

I spoke to an old friend of mine. We used to work together for this appliance company that robbed people blind and still does. Well, he had been a teacher before and left to pursue another life. He's lost his house and had to take a small apartment. Now the rent is being increased and he is having to move in with his sister. He's in his late 50's? He's selling all his possesions to survive until this school year gets under way and he can sub. My heart broke as he told me the story but he was so hopeful. He figured it was maybe God's way of trying to tell him something and that there was purpose to it all. I told him maybe God just wanted to get his attention and have him focus on God more. Maybe that's what God wants from me as well.

So it has been a bag of mixed nuts today. My family is driving me nuts. My search for a teaching job or at least a call back is driving me nuts. My husband is driving me nuts. Maybe I've already gone nuts and I'm just making everything up. Oh, nuts!

No answer

This morning I woke up not feeling too well. With some schools already on their first class day and others soon to be starting, I felt rather blah. I called another school and left a message as no one answered. Strange. I called the main district I'm trying to get into as I came across another position I'm qualified to teach. No answer. Eerie. Let me try again. No answer. What is going on here? The paranoid side of me says they have caller i.d. and don't want to talk to me. I just want to know when they are going to start calling new substitutes in for interviews. So, hopefully I'll start working as a sub sometime real soon. Maybe a teacher's aide and maybe an actual teacher which, is my hope. I want to get off this comfortable sofa, into uncomfortable shoes, and earn my pay. I'm tired of watching reruns of shows that when I was working was a great comfort. Only now they serve as reminders of my delayed success and this overwhelming feeling that I'm wasting away somehow....after several more calls I finally got a hold of someone. Apparently, interviews for new subs will not start until sometime in September. September?!! They are still flagging the names of those that attended the in-service. How about crossing off the names of those that were so late that the in-service started almost an hour late. So by the time fingerprints are finished, t.b. testing, and all that....I should start subbing in January? February? I'm annoyed and frustrated with the process that keeps changing. With documents that keep getting lost and a very slow process, I just don't think I can fathom another re-run of....well, anything. So, I wait. I wait to teach. And I'm getting older. A lot older.

Rejected...ouch!

This morning I woke up full of hope and possibility. I came across a position with a local school district that I am certified to teach. The posting showed the employment positions were updated on the 11th and today we are the 12th. I asked my hubby to fax my resume and transcript to H.R and he called me to say it had just gone through. I called the H.R. department to verify that they had received it. After informing me they had, I was asked what position I was applying for. After telling the lady on the other end of nowhere, I was REJECTED! The position was filled. How can that be when their employment vacancies were just updated yesterday?
I was feeling low. Lower then the time I was chosen last for a baseball game back in grade school. By the afternoon though, my hope was restored. It rained today. Not a drizzle. Not a sprinkle. Actual rain. Hard rain. In an area with extreme drought, this was a welcome relief. This leads me to believe if God hears our prayers for rain, then I'm sure he hears the prayers of my friends, family, and myself for relief from my own personal drought. I have hope. Hope is what I cling to.
"The Lord will continually guide you, and satisfy your desire." Isaiah 58:11